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  • Writer's pictureLeila Gillette

Putting Yourself First (especially as a military spouse and mom)

When i started this blog- and the associated instagram account- I started feeling a little guilty about having something that is primarily focused on myself. I started reflecting on why I felt this way, and the unfortunate truth that many other moms & spouses probably feel similarily when we do something for ourselves. I wanted to dig deep into the importance of putting ourselves first, and even when it’s hard how beneficial it is to give ourselves the love we so easily give to our kids and spouses.

Military life doesn’t make it super easy to put yourself first. You often have to make so many sacrifices that limit the ability to pursue our own passions or joy, or even just basic self care.

When your husband is deployed and you have to get 3 kids out the door to school there isn’t always time for skin care right?

Well I am telling you to make that time for you! Maybe not for early morning skin-care (mornings have never been my thing..) but for something that is solely for yourself.

Putting yourself first can look different for everyone. It might be getting a job, joining a gym, doing a boudoir photo shoot, or just doing that skin-care routine. I really believe that taking time to do things you enjoy that don’t revolve around your spouse or kids, only makes us better in our relationships with them. I have found that my relationship with my spouse flourishes the most when my self-esteem is high and I am not feeling as dependent on him for happiness. I also feel like a better mom when I take the time to care for myself. Even if it means I am spending a little less time with my family, my time with them ends up being more intentional & joyful.

Some things I have been actively doing to put myself first & engage in more self-love:

  • Starting this blog: Starting this blog and the instagram account has been such a fun way for me to have my own space for creativity and self-expression. While I will always share things about my darling kids and spouse, I love having an outlet where I can share myself as a person and women independent of my family.

  • Self-care: For me this has been getting my hair done and getting lash extensions! Unfortunately, a lot of people love to bash women for doing these things & “being materialistic”, well I say screw that. If it‘s something that boosts your self-esteem, makes you feel sexy or empowered, DO IT.

  • ”Checking out”for 30: As military spouses we are often dealing with a spouse who might be deployed or has a demanding work schedule. This leads to us spending the majority of time with kids. While I love hanging out with my kids, doing it day in and out can lead to me getting drained and frustrated. So lately, just before I start making dinner and our evening routine starts, I try to take 30 minutes to do my own thing and ignore my kids. This could be scrolling Tik Tok, catching up on a realtiy show, or reading, whatever it is, it’s time that I give myself to engage in a little bit of selfish joy.

I so encourage other spouses/partners/moms to PUT YOURSELF FIRST! No matter what that means for you. Start slowly with doing one thing for yourself daily, it could literally be taking a few selfies of yourself after you put on makeup for the day. While it might feel weird and selfish at first, I really believe long term we will be so thankful for the love we gave ourselves.

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